After getting over the shock of your first few weeks (or months) in Beijing, one of the things you notice and usually experience first-hand is how hospitable the Chinese are. Their double-edged adoration for the “laowai” and the fights they´re capable of getting involved in just to decide who pays the bill in a restaurant are legendary. However, I´ve also found out that there´s such a thing as “too much hospitality”.
That excess of concern on their part manifests itself in a variety of situations. When you´re getting acquainted with a Chinese, one of the first few questions they will ask you is “How much do you earn?”. In Spain (as well as in other European countries and even in the US, I assume), that questions is considered way too straightforward, since the salary is considered a private issue (unless you´re one to normally brag about your accomplishment, which I find completely unnecessary) and is only discussed between friends, family, and sometimes colleagues.
However, when I complained about the habit of Chinese people of getting into what´s none of their business, a Chinese friend of mine explained that they´re not trying to be rude or intrude in your private life. On the contrary, it´s their way of showing concern, since it´s assumed that if you earn well you have enough resources to live comfortably.
That also explains their obsession about other people´s weight. If after being apart for a while they see you again and make a comment such as “oh, you´ve gained some weight!”, they´re not being rude and insensitive. They´re just showing you that they notice small things about you and hence, they care. Same thing with the “you´re way too thin”. No matter how debatable that might be, the point is they´re concerned about your health, so you should take it as a compliment rather than an insult.
While these examples are sort of understandable and seem to have some sort of logic behind them, there are others that keep puzzling me and trying my patience.
On one of the few nights that I decided to go out at night with some of my friends, I took a cab back home. One of the first few things that the driver told me was : “Got drunk tonight, didn’t you?”. He was just joking, but there was a fatherly undertone that made me flinch, even if I was not really drunk, only exhausted. In the same tone, he commented on my style and my clothes (as if to say, “you shouldn´t be drunk and wearing that around”), which made me wonder if he hadn´t seen the outfits some girls choose to prance around Sanlitun on a Saturday night. In comparison, I was dressed like a nun.
Another taxi driver asked me one night about the reasons that brought me to Beijing. “Work”, I said. Inmediately, he replied: “So, your boyfriend works here too?”. I took a deep breath and explained that no, I didn´t have a boyfriend and, yes, I wanted to find one, but it was not as easy as picking a vegetable in the grocer’s. That seemed to shut him up, but I kept asking myself “Why did you even bother to tell him something that is none of his concern?”
And the anecdotes keep coming. Today, after swimming for a while in the gym, I was getting dressed to go back home and take a shower there, when a middle-aged woman asked me with a horrified and midly disgusted expression on her face: “You don´t shower?”. I felt quite relaxed after all the exercise, so I calmly explained that my house was a 10-minutes walk away from the gym and I prefer showering at home. ” But you know that you must wash everything before you can wear it again right?”. I had to make a titanic effort not to roll my eyes and reply “Yes, mum”.
I know I should try to understand their reactions, because after all I´m the one coming here from a different country.入乡随俗 (“When in Rome, do as the Romans do”) and all that. But sometimes I really want to turn around and tell them: “谢谢您的关心”, but it´s MY problem.
